Counselling & Psychotherapy
You don't have to keep feeling the way you do, even if you've felt this way for as long as you can remember.
It's not always easy to explain how you're feeling, particularly when, to everyone else, your life appears to be going perfectly well. You might have a good job, a family you love and plenty of reasons to feel happy, yet find yourself lying awake at night worrying about things you can't seem to switch off from, questioning whether you're good enough or feeling overwhelmed by situations that other people seem to manage without a second thought.
You may have been struggling for a long time, telling yourself that you need to stop worrying, become more confident, set better boundaries or stop letting things from the past affect you. You might even understand why you feel a certain way, yet still find yourself responding in exactly the same way when something happens.
That can be incredibly frustrating, especially when you're genuinely trying to make changes.
For some people, there's something specific that's brought them to counselling, such as the loss of someone they love, difficulties in a relationship or a significant change in their circumstances. For others, it's more difficult to put into words. They simply know that something doesn't feel right and they don't want to continue feeling the way they do.
I believe that recognising when you're struggling and reaching out for support is a sign of strength, particularly when you've spent much of your life being the person everyone else relies on. You don't need to have everything worked out before coming to counselling, and you certainly don't need to wait until things become unbearable before asking for help.
How counselling can support you
People come to counselling for all sorts of reasons, and what one person finds manageable can feel completely overwhelming to another. Some people are trying to make sense of something that's happened recently, while others have been carrying difficult feelings for years and have reached a point where they want to understand why they feel the way they do.
Anxiety and persistent worry
Anxiety can be exhausting, particularly when your mind never seems to switch off. You might spend hours worrying about things that haven't happened, replaying conversations and wondering whether you've said something wrong, or imagining everything that could go wrong before you've even had the opportunity to find out what actually happens.
For some people, anxiety is particularly difficult in social situations, where the fear of being judged or saying something embarrassing can make meeting new people or attending social events feel uncomfortable. Others experience performance anxiety, finding that their confidence disappears when they're faced with a presentation, interview or exam, even though they know they're perfectly capable. Health anxiety can be particularly frightening too, especially when an unfamiliar ache or physical sensation leads to worrying that something serious might be wrong, and the reassurance you seek only seems to help for a short while.
Anxiety isn't confined to our thoughts. We often experience it physically through a racing heart, tight chest, unsettled stomach, tense muscles or that uncomfortable feeling of being constantly on edge. Understanding how your thoughts, feelings and physical responses influence one another can help us recognise what's keeping the anxiety going and find ways of responding that don't leave worry making all the decisions for you.
Stress and emotional overwhelm
It's surprising how much we can become accustomed to carrying before we realise that we're struggling. Work, family, relationships and everyday responsibilities can gradually take up so much of our time and energy that there's very little left for ourselves, yet we continue because that's what we've always done.
You might notice that you're becoming more irritable, emotional or forgetful, or that small things which wouldn't normally bother you suddenly feel enormous. Even when you finally have an opportunity to relax, your mind may still be running through everything you need to do, leaving you feeling exhausted without really understanding why.
We can look at the pressures you're under, how you've come to manage the expectations placed upon you and whether you've become so used to putting everything and everyone else first that you've lost sight of what you need yourself.
Grief, loss and bereavement
Grief can affect us in ways we never expected, and it doesn't always follow the pattern we imagine it should. You might be having an ordinary day when something reminds you of the person you've lost, and suddenly the sadness feels as strong as it did at the beginning. There can be anger, guilt, regret, loneliness and sometimes relief, particularly when someone has been unwell or a relationship has been complicated, and it can be difficult to make sense of feelings that seem to contradict one another.
We can also experience grief following the end of a relationship, changes to our health, the loss of a career or the future we thought we were going to have. These experiences can leave us feeling as though something important has changed, even when the people around us don't necessarily recognise what we've lost.
Counselling isn't about encouraging you to move on or suggesting that you should be feeling better by a certain point. It's somewhere you can talk honestly about your loss, the relationship you had with the person or life you've lost and how you're finding things now, without feeling that you need to protect other people from your emotions.
Trauma and difficult past experiences
When we think about trauma, we often imagine a serious accident, an assault or another life-threatening event, but trauma-related difficulties can also develop following repeated experiences of feeling frightened, rejected, neglected, powerless or emotionally unsafe.
Someone who grew up feeling that they needed to keep everyone happy, for example, may have learned to avoid conflict or put their own feelings aside because that was the easiest way to manage their circumstances. Another person may have experienced bullying, difficult relationships or situations where they didn't feel supported or protected, and those experiences can sometimes influence how they see themselves and relate to others long afterwards.
Not everyone who experiences difficult circumstances develops trauma-related difficulties, and I wouldn't assume that a particular behaviour must be connected to something from your past. What matters is understanding your individual experience and whether there are connections that feel relevant to you.
We can explore how those experiences may have influenced your beliefs, emotions, relationships and physical responses, without expecting you to revisit painful memories before you're ready.
Relationships and family difficulties
Relationships can bring us enormous happiness, but they can also be a source of hurt, frustration and confusion, particularly when we find ourselves having the same arguments or experiencing similar difficulties with different people.
You may struggle to express how you feel, worry about upsetting someone when you set a boundary or find yourself taking responsibility for keeping everyone else happy.
You might recognise that a relationship isn't meeting your needs but feel unsure how to change things, especially when you're frightened of conflict, rejection or disappointing someone you care about.
Exploring your experiences in relationships can help you recognise expectations and patterns that have become familiar over time, understand what you need from other people and consider how you might begin communicating those needs more confidently.
Confidence, self-esteem and self-worth
It's entirely possible to be successful in your career, have people who love and respect you and appear confident to everyone around you, while privately questioning whether you're good enough.
You may find yourself comparing your achievements to other people's, dismissing compliments or feeling that no matter how much you accomplish, there's always something you could have done better.
For some people, even constructive criticism can lead to hours of self-doubt, while others become so worried about making mistakes that they avoid opportunities they'd genuinely like to pursue.
These beliefs can become so familiar that we stop recognising them as beliefs and begin treating them as facts. Part of our work may involve understanding how you've come to see yourself in this way, what has influenced those feelings and whether the expectations you're placing on yourself are fair or realistic.
People pleasing and perfectionism
People pleasing is often described as simply being unable to say no, but I think there's usually more to explore than that. Someone might recognise that they're constantly putting other people first and genuinely want to establish better boundaries, yet feel overwhelmed by guilt or anxiety whenever they try.
If keeping people happy has previously helped you avoid arguments, maintain relationships or feel accepted, it makes sense that doing something different might feel uncomfortable, even when you know that continuing as you are is leaving you exhausted.
Perfectionism can work in a similar way. When we've come to associate making mistakes with criticism or disappointment, getting everything right can begin to feel like a necessity rather than a preference, and the pressure we place on ourselves can become incredibly difficult to live with.
Rather than simply focusing on how to say no or stop being so hard on yourself, I'd want to understand what makes those behaviours difficult to change and what feelings or beliefs might be involved.
Low mood and feeling stuck
There are times when life can begin to feel as though you're simply going through the motions, without the enjoyment, motivation or sense of connection you once had. You might find yourself withdrawing from people, losing interest in things you used to enjoy or feeling frustrated because you know you want something to change but can't quite work out what that is.
For some people, there's an obvious reason for how they're feeling, while for others it can be difficult to identify anything in particular. You may even feel guilty for struggling because, when you look at your life, you think you should be happy.
Having somewhere to talk about those feelings without needing to justify them can help us begin to understand what's happening and what you need.
Life changes and uncertainty
Even changes we've chosen can bring unexpected emotions, particularly when they affect our sense of identity or the life we've become accustomed to.
Starting a new job, becoming a parent, children growing older, changes in relationships, retirement or reaching a different stage of life can all leave us questioning who we are and what comes next.
It's possible to feel excited about the future while also experiencing sadness, anxiety or uncertainty about what you're leaving behind, and those feelings don't necessarily mean you've made the wrong decision.
Counselling can give you the space to make sense of these experiences and consider what matters to you as your circumstances change.
Emotional regulation and nervous system responses
There are times when our reactions can surprise us, particularly when we find ourselves becoming overwhelmed by something that doesn't seem particularly significant afterwards. You might become upset during a conversation, struggle to think clearly when someone criticises you or withdraw when things become difficult, even though part of you wants to respond differently.
Our emotional experiences are closely connected to our physical responses, and understanding what happens in our bodies when we feel anxious, threatened or overwhelmed can help us make sense of reactions that previously felt confusing.
By recognising what happens when your emotions become difficult to manage, we can begin to identify patterns and explore approaches that help you feel more settled and able to cope.
You may recognise yourself in several of these experiences, or none of them might quite describe how you're feeling. That's absolutely fine, because counselling isn't about fitting you into a category. It's about understanding what's happening for you.